…You know you want to
I sat by Sadia and held her close as she sobbed quietly. Chris had finally called it quits. “To think I could have dumped him first but I didn’t”, she said amidst tears. Girlfriend was obviously trying to block out her grief and heartbreak with anger but it wasn’t working. She had begged him, cried and was now sobbing tiredly on her bed. Hmmmn…This is my third friend getting a break up this year and it’s only March! Whatever happened to “we will be together all of our days. Wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face” (Shania Twain)? Where did all the love go?
I’ve heard so many reasons for break ups… “She’s changed”… “He doesn’t want to *wait*”… “She wants to *wait*”… “She keeps asking for money”… “He’s a pathological liar”… “He didn’t show up on Val’s day”… “I don’t love her anymore”… “I still love him but his mom nags me already”… “He beats me” or even “she beats me”… “She is having my best friend’s baby!”… “You’re not the girl I used to know” (Dare Art)…. And I haven’t even heard it all!
Deola and Femi met in high school and their fairytale seemed like it would last forever until Femi said he couldn’t *wait* anymore and Deola wouldn’t give ‘it’ up. I remember staying up with her all night as she told me their love story, sobbing, laughing and then wailing. She used up all my tissue and curled up against me in my bed. I ran out of words to say and wanted so badly to just sleep but hey! that’s what friends are for. #shrug#
Femi’s best friend said he went out and got drunk that night for the first time in his life. And all night, he was singing “My baby’s gone, gone, gone” (Asa) as he barfed on the bathroom floor, weeping like a baby. It got me wondering…If he’s so miserable without her, why did he choose ‘it’ over her? I guess we’ll never have answers to many of the questions that break ups bring to mind.
To the bruised and hurting, “So much for my happy ending” (Avril Lavigne), “All by myself” (Eric Carmen) and “SOS” (ABBA) might sound like familiar stories. Note however that the pain must only last a while. In the end, moving on is not really optional.
However, quality time to grieve cannot be sacrificed on the altar of being strong and ‘in control’. There is a time to hurt and a time to heal. Until this healing courses through your broken heart, hug your pillow and cry a little, kiss her pictures or go ‘juvy’ and let your friends do graffiti on his car… you didn’t read that here 😉
Trust me, the last thing that the receiver of a notice to discontinue a once beautiful relationship wants to hear is “girl, it’s not you, it’s me” (Chris Brown). Lame excuses make it hurt the more. “I want to be with her but you and I can still be friends”… nigg*r pleeeaaase! We all know that “the winner takes it all” (ABBA). Keeping in touch once in a while might not be a bad idea but trust me, it’s unlikely that she would want to come to your birthday party.
Sometimes, despite a nasty break up and several stories of “I’m so moving on…” (Kelly Clarkson); the parties still get the undeniable feeling of nostalgia. Memories of walks down the park, a shared cone of ice cream and all the baby names you two already thought up will flood your mind once in a while. No matter how much they hurt you, the good old times you had with them always have a sort of a soothing relief. Let’s treasure the memories and throw hate out the window. Breakups are here to stay. We just have to deal with them in the best possible way.
P.S… Deola and Femi got back together. He finally realised that he loved her more than he wanted it. I hope they live happily ever after.